Jester's Musings and Missives

Incredible Story – Worth Sharing!

Here's an incedible animal tale to share with all...

In 1986, Peter Davies was doing post-doc field work in Kenya with Northwestern University .  On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.  The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.  As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.  The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments .  Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.  Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.  Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through Brookfield Zoo with his preteen son.  As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.  The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.  The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.  Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.  He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.  The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peters legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant ... This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.

Couldn't resist (evil grin)

~Photographer and orginal author unknown; Many thanks to Jill B for sharing this.

Private Thoughts of Dogs and Cats

A little humor for a Friday afternoon - I think this accurately reflects the difference between the way dogs and cats view the world!

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...

8:00 am - Dog food!  My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride!  My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park!  My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted!  My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch!  My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail!  My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones!  My favorite thing!   

6:00 PM - Oooh,   Bath .  Bummer.

7:00 PM - Got to play ball!  My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow!  Watched TV with the people!  My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed!  My favorite thing!

Dancing with Abandon = Happiness

It's almost impossible to be in a bad mood after watching the following video of Matt, a man who dances by himself and with others, in beautiful locations all over the world.  I don't know if it's the haunting music or the contagious enthusiasm of everyone who awkwardly jigs with Matt, but I found the video very touching.

Click here to view a high resolution version directly on YouTibe 

~Source: NYT - A Private Dance? Four Million Web Fans Say No

Zany "Zorba" Zealots

This Aboriginal interpretation of Zorba the Greek is priceless!  Click to check it out!

Summer School for Men

My sister-in-law sent me an interesting list of summer classes being offered to local men.  Here's the info from the flyer:

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY FRIDAY, AUGUST 17, 2008 Friday, August   17 th 2008    

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1: How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays
--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.   

Class 2: The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
--Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.   

Class 3: Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.   

Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor
--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.   

Class 5: Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
--Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM   

For more, click in the link...

The Hair Dryer

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"  "Of course.  What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday.  The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked:  "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."  "Next."

~Many thanks to SusanZ for the amusement

Expressions to Live By...

1. You - Off my planet.
2. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
3. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
4. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...?
5. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for __ years.
6. Allow me to introduce my selves.
7. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
8. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
9. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
10. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
11. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
12. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
13. Earth is full. Go home.
14. Is it time for your medication or mine?
15. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
16. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

~Thanks to Susan Z for sharing these.  Original source is unknown.

A Management Fable

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat.

A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

So American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

To prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program", with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower.

There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment.

The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was outsourced to India.

And that is the way it is.

~Many thanks to Greg for passing this along

Sleepwalking vs Sleepworking

I’ve experienced horrible customer service from many companies during my time as an adult consumer.  However, I’ve never had a company representative come to my house and fall asleep while he’s trying to resolve my problem.

Granted, the sleeping man in the video below shouldn’t fall asleep on the job (literally).  However, he was on hold with his own company for about an hour before he started to slumber.  Listening to dead air or worse, Musak, is enough to make anyone drowsy.

Here’s an amusing (and sad) video posted to YouTube by a disgruntled (and deservedly so) customer => A Comcast Technician Sleeping on my Couch

Kitty Cat 1: Bear Zilch

I think this cat proves that dogs are no match for felines.  This cat can obviously take any guard dog in a rumble…(see AP photo for evidence)

Jack the cat chases black bear up tree

A black bear picked the wrong yard for a jaunt, running into a territorial tabby who ran the furry beast up a tree — twice.

Jack, a 15-pound orange and white cat, keeps a close vigil on his property, often chasing small animals, but his owners and neighbors say his latest escapade was surprising… [AP]

Note the cat on the ground looking at the black bear in the tree - mocking him!